I do hope you will excuse the lack of updates this year. Truth is, I wanted to spend more time with my family – being forced into captivity with them in 2020 wasn’t enough. Oh, and we’re actually imprisoned in the UK as taking a holiday is illegal until mid-May. It’s quite hard to write about something when nothing is happening, as much as every Daily Mail writer has made a career of it. It’s even more challenging when new hotel openings are rarer than a blood clot from a vaccine. Who wants to read about me going to The Connaught for the 200th time? No one? Well tough! It’s coming and you better enjoy it!
I started writing this post 3 months ago, and then the small matter of a brand new, tiny human being got in the way (and the imprisonment, please don’t forget the imprisonment). She was nearly 2 weeks overdue, which had me convinced she was waiting until Harrods reopened. Are you really living when Harrords isn’t? asked Plato. Yet she’s here now and since her arrival covid cases have plummeted. Coincidence? Hardly. So there now seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. Our governments magic eight ball strategy finally landed on a plausible solution and soon enough we’ll be traveling again, licking lampposts and go back to knifing each other after a pint or twenty. I’ve got my lucky stab proof vest at the ready, for our first trip of the year to The Connaught in May.
You can now embrace my naivety in thinking that we will travel this year, and not only that, but we will travel to all the following destinations…
Kenya
Booked for last year, but for reasons that I doubt anyone will even recall, there was some weird situation with flying into foreign countries that got a few tuts and frowns. It’s very boring, so don’t waste your time in Googling it. All it required was a bit of bleach and sunlight and everything is fine again, so I’m trying to be optimistic that this is going to take place in September. Not only do all the properties look spectacular, but it will be a pleasure to take my Dad on his first safari; at least the first real one, as he was less-than-impressed in Aman-i-Khas when it rained so heavily that the tigers decided they’d rather be extinct, so they fucked off to whether it is that angry tigers go. Under your bed?
We start at Hemingways, which I’ve stayed in before and remember finding someone’s toenail in our bathroom. Let’s be hopeful they don’t upgrade us to the full toe this time. Next up is Segera, followed by Arijiju and Sirai Beach which are both exclusive use properties, meaning I will be both their best and worst customer simultaneously. It’ll make a change to be someone’s best customer.
Kenya is currently on the UK red list, meaning that were I to head back to England directly from Kenya, I will need to spend 10 nights in a government hotel to quarantine. If they allowed me to upgrade and stay at The Connaught, you could count me in, but instead I guess I’ll have to seek political refugee in another country – surely it’s a breach of my human rights to spend 10 nights in a Radisson? Any country keen to take me in?
Greece
Are you really surprised we’re heading back to Amanzoe? The ability to take a 4 bedroom as a 2 bedroom is not available this year as demand is so high, so we’ve booked the 1 bedroom villa. I toured it last year and whilst the views are nice, it’s not in the same realms as the other villas there – but where it lacks in qualities, it makes up for in being half the price. Beggars, choosers, etc. As a reminder to my faithful readers, the Amanzoe villas are spectacular and also come with your dedicated butler and chef, so offer excellent value for money. And they give my daughter an opportunity to make me proud by being the one that annoys the chef, rather than me, this time.
Maldives
My wife prefers Velaa, I’m more of a Cheval Blanc guy. I guess we’re going back to Velaa. The General Manager of Iniala has also turned up at Velaa now, so I’ll pretend I wanted to go there the entire time. My daughter will be nearly 11 months old by the time we visit, giving us enough prep time to prepare for her first long-haul flight. It also gives me longer to hone her manners, as by December she should have learnt words like “no”, “get me the duty manager” and “this tastes like a baboon took a shit in it”.
France
It took me years to bother to get my Irish passport. Paperwork endlessly sat on my desk, reminding me of my inability to fill in a form. Now I hear I may need to get another passport for covid. I wasn’t aware it was a country, nor that I was a resident of it, but I do know that I’ll hate filling it twice as much. Assuming I don’t need one (we’re being vaccinated in age priority and feeling old isn’t the same as being old, so I’ll be lucky to be vaccinated in time) then we’ll head to France as our first foreign trip of the year.
Airelles are in the business of making awesome properties, so I don’t buy into the hype that this is hype. Chateau de Versailles may be the hotel opening of the year and I would love, in years to come, to remind my daughter how my childhood holidays were watching a crocodile singing at Pontins, whilst hers was spent in a palace. If Cheval Blanc Paris can open in time too, then it should be a spectacular trip when you throw in Domaine des Etangs and Lily of the Valley.
Were this pre-parenthood, I’d head to Iniala Malta too. I’ve waited years for it to finally open and now will wait even longer as they couldn’t be bothered to finish it prior to a pandemic kicking in. Selfish.
Czech Republic
Gots to go see the grandparents. I guess it’s the age old dilemma: Four Seasons or sleep under a bridge? I think those are all the options in Czech Republic. Luckily the Four Seasons has turned into a rather wonderful hotel and I know it’s child friendly as I’ve thrown many a tantrum in there.
Mozambique & South Africa
I was planning for this last year, back when travel was still looking a vague possibility. The destinations changed quicker than David Cameron’s excuses; one minute it was going to be Banwa, another Amanoi, and then I settled on Kisawa and Kubili House. In the end I sat at home and player Spider-Man on the PS5.
Afte Versailles, I think Kisawa Sanctuary will be one of the major openings of 2021. The only problem:is it going to be another Miavana? A supremely expensive resort setup in a country with no luxury infrastructure, ran by people that have never done it before? All sounds rather familiar. In this time of need, I shall lend them my massive marketing efforts by going there and writing a completely non-biased review. So apologies if they go bankrupt.
Conclusion
That felt like therapy. Talking about hotels again? I haven’t done that since I swapped Flyertalk for Porsche Taycan forums. I used to spend hours, if not days, deliberating over which airliner combined with what layovers, just to get the cheapest first class tickets, whereas now I spend weeks looking at the contrasting decorating stitching or the colour of callipers. And just like holidays, where I spend weeks planning them, only to turn up and spend half the trip planning the next one, I am already looking to buy another Taycan. Basically, being locked indoors for 6 months has proved very expensive. My obsessive behaviour has been transferred elsewhere and it’s costing; these trips are my salvation to financial stability again.
Where are you planning to go this year?
Comments (5)
Travels for 2020 were pretty good for me. With a lot of testing and some private flights we kept it going.
-Turks & Caicos (south Caicos) we stayed at Sailrock Resort and were basically the only ones there. Super fun and safe, not high luxury but lovely.
-Sante Fe New Mexico, won this trip at an auction so had to use. Stayed at Ojo Sante Fe, again charming but not 5 star. The scenery and food was excellent.
-Harbour Island Bahamas, would not repeat the hotel but I have plans to return to the island. It was such a sweet place. Riding horses on the pink sand beaches was everything!
-Chable Yucatán Mexico! We loved it here! Tried Chable Maroma their beach sister resort, not good. Pretty beach though and got to see Chichen Itza ruins which was a highlight.
-BVI Virgin Gorda, Rosewood Little Dix Bay. Literally stunning natural bay but the covid protocols were oppressive. We were literally the only people there and we had to fight to take a sailboat excursion after many negative PCR tests.
Next up.. we wanted to see Italy but maybe Greece?
Glad you are back writing again! We just returned from Cheval Blanc Randheli and I have to agree with your lovely bride that Velaa wins…hands down!! Service at CBR was perfect, design was gorgeous, the food good, but the overall feel felt nothing like a private island in the Maldives should. It felt stuffy and boring. The design, although beautiful, did not consider the spectacular natural views that were given to them for free…there were tall walls all over the place blocking stunning views and any sort of breeze to help cool you down. And why on earth would they park their entire 30 boat fleet in the middle of the beautiful lagoon taking away from the water that we traveled half way around the world to admire? I was completely baffled. The staff was so eager to make our stay perfect, but I left knowing that I will never return. IMO, Velaa offers the same level of luxury, but takes advantage of the beautiful surroundings which is why you are in the Maldives in the first place.
Congratulations on the birth of your little girl! Enjoy the ride!
I really do love Velaa and agree that the island is far superior to Cheval, I just really don’t like the rooms – far too inspired by Huvafen Fushi and too dark for my liking.
Agreed on Chable Yucatan – what a wonderful property.
Nice to read your blog again. Well, I managed to travel to Chad in Feb/Mar 2020, just before the world shutdown. Most likely will not be travelling in 2021. My 2021 plan to visit Sao Tome and Principe staying at the HBD properties has been bumped to 2022 due to Covid.