Dorsia Travel and Tusk at Longleat

I ain’t gonna pretend to be a saint. That’s for you to decide.

But as part of my “I’m turning 40 soon, maybe I shouldn’t be such a greedy fuck” phase, I wanted to make a meaningful contribution to society – and I don’t mean my sick collection of dick jokes – which is how we became a proud supporter of Tusk. If you know anything about me, you’ll know I don’t do things half-arsed, so didn’t want a symbolic relationship where we chuck them a few scraps and then chest-thump about it for the rest of the year. I wanted a serious annual contribution.

I truly believe in the work they do. And without Tusk (and plenty of other conservationists like them) there’s a real chance Africa wouldn’t have a whole lot left in the way of animals. You may think that’s exaggerating. But there’s a very good chance you’re reading this in a developed country, so let me know how your wildlife is looking compared to a few hundred years ago. England used to have brown bears, lynx and wolves. I ain’t seen many of them around lately. And no, Paddington doesn’t count.

Money solves a lot of problems. In this case it goes to protecting the animals and supporting the local communities living alongside them, which is the only version of this that has ever worked.

Right. Sermon over.

So, as part of doing something useful, this year we’re sponsoring a private event at Longleat, hosted by The Marquess and Marchioness of Bath. Who are they? God knows. Sounds jolly impressive though, don’t ya think?

But that’s not the point. The point is it’s a charity event, celebrating Longleat’s 60th anniversary. Comedian John Bishop will be there to host it. If you’re not familiar, the recent Bradley Cooper / Will Arnett film Is This Thing On is based on his life – a man hits middle age, realises something’s missing, does something about it. Thematically, I’d rather not dwell on this.

And I’ll be there. If you’re not familiar, I’m the one who has had to go out and buy a black tie outfit, having lived exclusively in hoodies until I turned 30 and still considering trousers to be smart.

And most importantly, a load of hot air balloons will be there.

What’s my point? Give some money to Tusk, you heathens. And see you there.