Enjoy Waldorf Astoria Maldives Ithaafushi. Whilst You Can

This coming year is, relatively speaking, a quiet one for the ultra-luxury end of the Maldives.  

Bulgari is “opening”, but probably isn’t.  Le K2 is “talking about opening”, but probably won’t.  Mandarin Oriental appears to have wiped all evidence of its existence from the internet.

So whilst nothing is (probably) launching, that doesn’t mean things aren’t happening.  Bad things.  Terrible things.

Atlantis, ye of Atlantis The Royal fame, is currently working on a 493-room monstrosity directly in front of the Waldorf Astoria Maldives.  Four hundred and ninety-three rooms.  All positioned perfectly to give Waldorf guests an uninterrupted view of hell.

I was surprised to like the Waldorf Astoria.  I actually think it’s one of the better resorts in the Maldives.  It mostly works, and despite a few bumps along the way, it’s somewhere I’d happily return to.  But that is going to change when this gigantic man-made monstrosity ascends from the imagination of thoughts too dark for H. R. Giger.  Yes, the Waldorf sits on a man-made island.  Fine.  The Maldives is essentially a very expensive LEGO set at this point.  But at least it has the decency to be resort size.  Atlantis sounds more like they’re building barracks for an invasion.

This is going to lead to some fascinating conversations at reception.

“Why is my view a waterpark.”

“Well, madam, it is still water.  And water is technically what you’re here for. ”

Bad times await.