Making Conservation Luxury (and Sexy)

Alright, look, I can’t make it sexy.  I was born with the face of Brad Pitt—but after he’d been flattened by a steamroller, like in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

But luxury, that I know a thing or two about.

When I used to hear the word conservation, I’d picture someone trying to ruin my day—either with a soul-destroying PowerPoint, or some wild-eyed vegan in Crocs sprinting across a high street with a clipboard, begging me to donate to save a stick insect that even David Attenborough couldn’t pretend to care about

But conservation is fun.  Well, at least I’m going to try and make it fun.  But more importantly, I’m going to make it a part of a luxury experience.  

Nobody flies all the way to Africa to stare at grass.  We want carnage.  We want drama.  We want lions riding hippos into battle, yelling “FOR SPARTA”.  Unfortunately, a lot of people are massive dicks, and have decided to make lions endangered.  Along with pretty much every other species on earth.  Of course, it’s not as simple as people being dicks, if something came onto your land and occasionally took a nibble out of your Labrador, or your favourite child, you might be a little bit miffed too.  So it’s not as simple as protecting the animals at all costs; it comes down to community-based projects that benefit humans and animals.  Tourism helps the locals, which in turn helps the wildlife.  Kumbaya.  

Luckily, dear reader, you have several options for saving the world—none of which involve watching your parents get murdered outside a theatre in Gotham and becoming a billionaire vigilante with unresolved trauma.

First of all, any good lodge will be donating to conservation itself.  It’s not just because they love animals, although that’s normally the reason, but it also makes good business sense.  No one’s coming to your epic lodge in the middle of Kenya, with nineteen swimming pools and an underground garage filled with Buggati’s and three fighter jets, without wildlife around.  OK, maybe I’d go to that one.  But otherwise, people want the wildlife, so saving it is a good thing.

So if you’re going to Africa, and staying somewhere that gives a damn, you’re already helping.  Even if you do nothing but empty their wine cellar and take blurry lion photos, your presence funds jobs, protection, and long-term sustainability.

And if you want to do more than that?  Even better.  Cos you can do some very, very cool things, which conservationists actually need to be done, but they can be expensive to do.  You don’t have to go plant a tree or shag a hippie to save the world, I think you’ll find if you actually get involved in any of the below, you’ll understand conservation is badass.

Rhino notching

Basically, they dart a rhino (safely, with a vet and a helicopter and all that jazz), then everyone rushes in like there’s a half-price sale on at the cocaine store – you included.  They cut small notches into the edges of each ear in specific shapes so rangers can identify the animal from a distance.  It’s like giving the rhino a number plate, but with a bit more blood and less paperwork.

Why?  Because if you want to protect rhinos, you need to know who is where.  Notching lets conservation teams track individuals over time, and if one suddenly vanishes, alarm bells ring.

It’s damn exciting, especially the first time you do it, unlike this seasoned pro that has done it…twice.  You’ll be up close, doing something that actually matters, and you get a darted rhino selfie to horrify your fragile friends back home.

Collar an elephant

No, it’s not a fashion statement, but they do wear it well.  Collaring an elephant involves fitting a GPS tracking device around its neck.

Why bother?  Because elephants like to roam.  A lot.  Across farms, through villages, over fences—they’re not exactly subtle.  The collar transmits location data to conservation teams, allowing them to monitor movements in real-time.  It helps reduce human-wildlife conflict, spot migratory patterns, and keep the elephants (and the people near them) alive and happy.

Also: it involves helicopters, vets, tranquiliser darts, and standing next to a sedated elephant that could squash you like a biscuit.  So yes—it’s very cool.

Lion darting

Ever wanted to see a lion up close—really up close—without having to inspect its teeth from the inside?  Conservationists occasionally need to sedate them for health checks, relocations, or to fit tracking collars.

Annoyingly, I’ve missed the opportunity to do this by several days during my recent trips, as the conservation team had already done it.  I was speaking to someone who told me the lion’s eyes occasionally open, and sometimes they even stand up, mid-sedation, which makes everyone nearby collectively shit themselves.  Sounds like a night out in Stoke.

Cuddle a wild dog

Ok, so technically you’re helping monitor endangered African wild dogs, but let’s be honest, you wanna cuddle one, don’t you?

Cheetah walking

This has almost nothing to do with conservation unless you offer yourself up as prey—but it is incredible.  These walks only happen in places where cheetahs have been habituated as part of reintroduction or breeding programmes, intended to keep the species from going extinct.  Extinction = bad, apparently.  You’re strolling next to a 70mph murder floof, so try not to look too delicious.

K9 Unit Dog Demonstration

These are not your average spaniels.  These dogs can track poachers, sniff out ivory, and probably do your taxes.  They also make great pets, as my kids discovered.

They gave a demo where one dog sniffed out a few scattered bullets like it was nothing, while another tracked down a person who’d gone off to hide—following nothing but a human scent and pure determination.

Visit a local school

Sure, you got me, I said schools are boring, but we had a wonderful time when we visited a school in Madikwe. The kids were buzzing with excitement just to see us, all smiles and curiosity, and Massive posers too. At least one of my children was equally thrilled, whilst the other made us all look like giant racists by being terrified.  We brought a suitcase of books and toys along and gave them to the teachers to hand out.

Wrestle a crocodile

Alright, I made this one up.  But admit it—you paused for a second and considered it.

Conclusion

We’re a luxury-first travel agency.  Always have been, always will be.  Our focus is on people who want the best, and then, once that’s sorted, we add in the adventure.  For our clients (and for me), the accommodation often is the headline act.  That’s the way we travel, and that’s what sets us apart.

But the adventure?  That’s the part that makes it unforgettable.  The stories.  The memories.  The irreversible stains in your underwear when that lion woke up.

So go to Africa—not to save the world, not to be lectured on your filthy habits back home, not even to hear the word conservation.  Just go.  Have the most epic, indulgent, luxurious time of your life.  And maybe, just maybe, have one of the most remarkable, up-close-and-personal experiences of your life too, whilst you’re there.

Then come home, call yourself a conservationist with a straight face, and shame all your useless friends for never having darted a lion.