News & Reviews News Mandarin Oriental Mayfair quietly opens in London

London desperately lacks two things: sunshine and a luxury hotel within 15 metres of every living creature.  The former?  Well, unless we all start spraying more aerosols and engaging in synchronised farting to boost global warming, there’s not much we can do.  But the latter?  The big brains have finally cracked it.

After the (delayed) openings of The Peninsula London, Raffles London, and The Emory within the past year, there’s a new protégée on the block: Mandarin Oriental Mayfair.   This is the second Mandarin Oriental in London, with the third already announced and opening in 2028.  Soon enough we’ll be able to give directions to everywhere based on the proximity to a Mandarin Oriental hotel.  No more having to point out oversized clocks or palaces as a reference, just endless Mandarin Oriental’s found next to every McDonald’s.

The initial rumblings I’ve heard are that it’s as bland as reading the dictionary, and privacy is an issue.  Will that put me off going?  No.  I’ve got a job, by golly, and no amount of shit-talking will stop me.  I’m sure the critics tried a similar approach to dissuade us from watching Madame Web.  Just endless negativity, so they could keep it all to themselves.  Those lucky bastards.

I will give Mandarin credit for one thing, though: there are only seven room categories.  Nice and simple, like their decor.  Boom.  Oh yes, I went there.  What a maverick I am.  The starting rates at £1,500/n for a 33 sqm room are an insult to anyone who isn’t a psychopath and is capable of having feelings.  But on the plus side, it does come with the added benefit that if you pay that, your spouse knows they should leave you and find someone else.  Anyone will do.  Alive or dead.

I’m not surprised it’s been a quiet opening.  Firstly, like every hotel these days, it’s been delayed more times than a RyanAir flight.  Secondly, it always felt more like some residences that accidentally stumbled into the hotel business.  I’m not sure what it really brings to the table, especially in that location.  The pool looks nice, I suppose.

Still, no point bitching and moaning, ladies and gents, I best get my arse over to see it.  I’ll be semi-reasonable and just go for a show around and lunch there next week, rather than staying.  The full experience will have to wait until July or August.

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Tom Cahalan

Written by Tom Cahalan on 6th Jun '24

Dorsia Travel’s co-founder Tom Cahalan’s take on travel is reliably candid. Here’s his take on what’s good, bad, and luxurious.

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