Review: Lion Sands Ivory Lodge, South Africa

Lion Sands Ivory Lodge has burned down.  Twice.  It has also flooded three times, and at one point a microburst (a weather phenomenon I’m still convinced is just God farting) tore through it.  Locusts and blood rivers are likely next.  This place is cursed.  It’s experienced more catastrophes than the New York Jets.  Their insurance company must have someone living on site.  Possibly armed.  Possibly crying.

Every safari lodge makes you sign a waiver, usually full of meaningless legal fluff about “acts of nature” and “you walked into a bush, that’s on you”. Here, just as a friendly tip, bring your lawyer. And a notarised will, just to keep things tidy.

But let’s be honest — everyone loves a comeback story. And Lion Sands is on, what, its second? Third? Ninth? I’ve lost track. Their most recent fire took out the entire main area, but they rebuilt and reopened on 1st October. And let me tell you: it is spectacular. A freaking work of art.  This is one of the most striking lodge designs I’ve seen anywhere. If this place burns down again, it’ll be God smiting it out of sheer jealousy that he didn’t design it.

Getting there

It can get a bit confusing when you’re dealing with all these endless lodges, but to put things into context, Londolozi is barely an hours drive away.  How do I know this?  Because that’s where I came from.  Fact checked in real time.

Otherwise, you can fly into Skukuza airport and from there it’s around a 40 minute drive to the lodge.

Piggy-backs are frowned upon.

Setting

Ivory Lodge sits on the banks of the Sabie River. At this time of year, during the dry season and before the rains, there isn’t much in the way of water, but you can still hear trickles of water flowing. Although, given the average age of guests here, that may not entirely be the river.

They have 4,000 hectares of their own land and can traverse a further 4,000 of &Beyond (or whatever Tengile River Lodge is soon to be named), which also gives access to two rivers. There are sand rivers everywhere. There are also lions everywhere. The name checks out.

This is not “endless plains” safari — this is the Sabi Sands classic, of leopards using the riverine thickets as cover and stealth.  It’s why leopards and lions are so frequent here.  It’s also why cheetah are almost never seen — there’s too much cover, not enough open ground.

They leave extra chairs out so the leopards can join you.

Facilities

After having stayed in over 100 safari lodges, I’ve seen it all.  Or so I thought.  I love someone taking a stab at something completely new.  There’s only so many times I can stare at some heavy, dark wood and oversized chests.  Here, it’s all granite boulders, glass walls, polished wood.  And shitloads of style.  The moment you enter, there’s this massive granite boulder like it’s guarding the place.  The boutique and reception look like a botanical art gallery.  The firepit sits right in the middle of everything like a ceremonial sacrifice point (and judging by the lodge’s history, perhaps a necessity).  Around it, endless seating for lounging or dining. And bless them: there is Wi-Fi everywhere. You are not sent back to your room like a schoolchild to go and fetch it.

There’s a very fancy indoor dining room where the chairs hug you, wrapped around a central fire set on a slab of granite, complete with its own suspended chimney.  It’s very Suyian Lodge, but smoother – more industrial.  A lounge with a bar and then a secondary sunken lounge; ceilings that are so high and flat that the entire space feels light and architectural rather than lodge-y; and water features everywhere that make it sound like you’re in a Japanese garden, with them even having the large fish in them.  Design is clearly at the forefront, as there’s an artist residency studio at the entrance.

The design here is so impressive.  Beyond that, it’s really beautiful.  The only real issue is that during cold nights everyone ends up crammed into the indoor dining room and suddenly it feels busy.  Too busy.  Not what I want at this price point.

They also have two off-site treehouses for overnight stays.  No thank you.  I like walls.

Spa & Gym

The spa and gym each have their own buildings, separated far enough that you’re not being massaged to the sound of someone wheezing through a treadmill incline. 

The spa has two treatment rooms, a sauna, a steam room, and a cold plunge — which I still maintain is just choosing to suffer and calling it “wellness”.  Everything is beautifully designed.

The gym is in a separate glass-walled building, with multiple air conditioning units.  It has a bench, rower, bike, treadmill, a functional trainer (basic, but fine), dumbbells, and another bench.  Outside, there’s even a punch bag in a shaded area, which must have been from customer feedback from the forced communal bush breakfast, whereby you need to release some feelings.

Room

There are 9 suites here, plus the Fish Eagle Residence — a three-bedroom villa that’s technically separate but close enough that you can walk to it.

The rooms aren’t as new as the main area, but the design language matches so it doesn’t feel inconsistent.  The layout is massive: living room, dining table, giant pantry, fireplace, bedroom, huge bathroom, and outdoor space.  Overall, the design just works for me.  With all the space, all the light, all the facilities, it just works. Even the entrance which is just really empty space before you get to the living room or go left of the bedroom feels overkill.  It’s like they expected a marching band to greet everyone on their return from safari.

Even though my suite was the closest to the main lodge, it still felt very private. The whole space has a distinctly modern feel.  It does not try to be your typical safari lodge, and it’s all the better for it.  The closest comparison is probably Singita Lebombo.

The layout is open, but is not open planned – there are sliding wooden doors to separate the bedroom/bathroom from the living area, and the way the room flows makes each area feel distinct.

The living room is spacious, with a proper dining table that could just as easily double as a meeting space if you felt like pretending you’re gonna work.  There’s an outrageous pantry, a sofa positioned to look straight out over the river, and a fireplace next to it.  The ceilings are high and flat, which gives the whole space a bright, open feel.  The sofa itself is ridiculously comfortable, and sitting there with all that natural light, the river flowing past, and wildlife wandering by is one of the best parts of the room.

There is this cool butler delivery hatch into the pantry.  It and the pantry are outrageous – it has the most snacks I’ve ever seen in a safari lodge.  Zero notes.  Brilliant.  Then I noticed olives.  I take everything back.  I hope it burns down again.

The bedroom faces out to the river, with a huge triangular glass window that’s stunning.  Outdoor space is excellent: sofa in the shade, loungers, heated plunge pool, all facing the river.  There’s also a private courtyard with an outdoor shower.  

A few flaws.  The most common of which: I had no fucking clue what any of the light switches did.  It’s like they were installed as part of a Turing Test.  I failed.  There was a weird rotten-water smell around 4am each night.  I assume it’s a plumbing/river/humidity thing, or the house ghost taking a dump.  And if it does bother you, blackout blinds aren’t possible due to the architectural glass triangle.  But I’m awake at stupid o’clock anyway.

Service

This is where things started to fall apart. The lodge feels just a bit too big, a bit too impersonal, a bit too busy. Staff rotate between Ivory and River, and when you realise there are 27 rooms between the two, it suddenly makes sense. It doesn’t feel like a tight, intimate lodge team – it’s more like a hotel.

They had some of my stay preferences right: chef knew my tastes, my pillow was there, they even proactively addressed that blackouts aren’t possible.  But things were missing — adapters, toothpaste — which I had to ask for multiple times.

Then there was the guiding.  I didn’t have a personality mismatch with my guide.  I actively disliked him.  I told the lodge manager that I want this recorded clearly, not softened.  He knew I disliked him, which only made him cling closer.  Horrific.

They were not able to offer me a private vehicle, because of their maximum occupancy rule of 10 vehicles, all of which were allocated.  Though, credit to Ty (the manager), who came to speak to me and reorganised things for the next drives, so I was with someone else. I felt like the guide knew I hated him, which made him even more keen to hang around with me and watch me squirm.

I shit you not, I wrote down how housekeeping were one of the highlights of service, only for them to:  leave half-eaten morning delivery food by the window the entire day.  Never give me a laundry list despite asking multiple times.  Didn’t restock the fridge.  Or the minibar.

Demons.

A tipping guide was placed next to my farewell card implying discretion while feeling like anything but.  This was the only place on my trip I didn’t tip anyone.  I stand by it.

Food

Chef Brian came out to greet me with unfiltered enthusiasm for being alive.  Lovely man.  The menu was printed specifically for me, with my name at the top, but it was tapas-style and without any real choice.  To be fair, he kept stressing that they’d make anything I wanted — but there’s something slightly odd about being told there’s no choice while also being told you can choose anything.  Schrödinger’s menu.

All the same, both lunch and dinner were good quality.  With the tapas-style, four courses, each was roughly the size of a starter.  You will eat double what you normally should, but that’s a personal problem, not theirs.  Dinner offers up a choice of two starters, three mains, and one dessert.

Each morning before game drive, a drink and muffin is slid through the butler’s pantry slot with a printed note explaining what it is and why.  It’s charming, if not mildly like you’re in prison.  I found it strange that no one ever asked what I actually wanted, but sure, we’re doing muffins.

Then came the “surprise” bush breakfast, which turned out to be a communal breakfast shared with basically everyone in camp.  I have never — in all my years of doing this — been forced to have breakfast with strangers.  We’re here to see the animals, not be treated like them.  The more time I spent here, the less I liked it.

The food overall is good — not Malewane or Londolozi good — but good.  But the forced socialising?  No.  If I wanted group bonding, I’d go to rehab.

Activities

They offer walking safaris, community visits, and night drives until 9pm.  So far, so standard.  What isn’t standard is the size of the reserve.  It’s smaller than many in Sabi Sand.  Less space means more vehicles at sightings, and less habitat diversity means less species variety – cheetah, for example.

You will also find yourself queueing to see things.  At one point we were removed from a leopard sighting because the next vehicle was waiting their turn.  

But the sightings were intense.  Highlights included:

• A leopard being betrayed by a kudu loudly barking at it
• Elephants so close to the vehicle I could have moisturised one.  One of the closest encounters I’ve ever had.
• Huge herds of buffalo everywhere
• A pride of 13 lions dining on two buffalo
• Came across yet another pride of lions that had taken down a buffalo earlier that day, whilst on the radio another call came in of yet another pride of lions that took down a buffalo too
• The next morning, another pride trailing buffalo… until they crossed onto Sabi Sabi land, where I assume the lucky bastards staying there enjoyed the show instead
• Hyenas — at least 15 — tearing into a carcass while vultures descended, after, you guessed it, lions had taken down another buffalo.

It was a bloodbath safari.  I saw more dead buffalo here in a few days than I’ve seen in the past few years combined.  This is the thing with safari and the variety: it was epic, after epic, sightings, yet they were telling me just a few weeks ago they had almost nothing going on. This is the most lion on buffalo action I’ve ever seen.

Photographers, however, will find it frustrating.  Crowded sightings mean shorter viewing time and less freedom to position.

And one final note: I don’t understand why we must meet at 3:30pm only to sit around until 4pm like we’re waiting for the school bell.

Kids Friendly

Kids over 10 welcomed.  Kids under 10 can stay in Fish Eagle Residence, but cannot go over to main lodge.

The Good

• Rooms are large, private, and comfortable
• River setting is lovely

The Bad

• Guiding and service were inconsistent to outright poor
• Communal dining experiences forced on guests
• Feels crowded, busy, resort-like at times

The Luxurious

• Design porn – stunning architecture and lodge design
• Sightings

Conclusion

Ivory Lodge is undeniably stunning. The design is on another level.  But with that comes this busyness.  It somehow feels too crowded and too impersonal, in a way places like Singita, Malewane, or Londolozi never do. The service and food just don’t reach the standard that the price, and the aesthetic, imply they should.

If you want a lodge with people coming and going and chatting around the fire, Ivory Lodge may be perfect for you. There is nothing wrong with that style of safari.  But the forced social aspect is where it lost me. I have never before been compelled to attend a communal bush breakfast with every other guest in camp. And the evening “buzz” carries the same energy. Some people will love that. I do not.

When I first arrived, I couldn’t understand why it was priced below Londolozi.  Then I met the guide, had the shared breakfast, saw the crowded sightings, and experienced the service gaps — and it all made sense.

I did like it here.  But I didn’t love it.  And I wouldn’t rush back.