Review: Sirai House, Kenya

This review has been a long time coming. For you see, Sirai gave me my first ever hotel ban. In my line of work, that’s like a Maasai warrior killing his first lion to become a man.  At least, that’s what I tell the ladies.  And they all agree.

Yes, back in the happiest-days-of-our-lives era that was 2021, I stayed in Sirai Beach.  Actually loved it, but apparently not quite enough for the owners’ liking – but that’s show business.  Fortunately, they eventually came around. Was it my irresistible charm? My devastatingly good looks? Obviously, but possibly the fact we sent them clients.  I might get banned, but I’m not petty enough to stop recommending somewhere if it’s actually good. It’s not like they’re growing exceptional properties on trees; they’re struggling even out of elephant turds.

For me, Sirai House was the last ultra-luxury, exclusive-use property in Africa that I desperately wanted to visit. The final boss. The missing piece.  The moment I completed the game we all call life.  Fortunately, it was worth the wait.  But enough to prevent me getting another ban?  Let’s see.

Getting there

I was coming from Reteti House, so it was a mere 25 minute charter flight, going across such a vastly different landscape that you’d think I was playing Jumanji and rolled a schizophrenic dice.  It’s truly amazing to see how green it becomes when approaching from the air, compared to the orange and heat that surrounds it from the north.  If you’re coming from Nairobi, you can fly into the Borana airstrip in about 50 minutes.  From the airstrip, Sirai House is a 20 minutes drive away.

Setting

There’s only so many ways I can talk about Borana, seeing this is now the third exclusive use property I’ve stayed in (Arjijiu and Lengishu being the others, in case you’re interested).  And there’s only five properties.  But checking my notes is a pain, so let me start from the beginning.

I love Borana.  I love that there are only five properties, four of which are exclusive use, over 32,000 acres.  It means the ugly, disgusting step-child of it all, Borana Lodge, which is the original lodge, is the only place you’ll find the commoners, and is really the only likelihood you’ll find of seeing other guests. The landscape is wonderfully varied. Open grasslands roll into acacia woodland, rocky ridges, deep valleys, volcanic views, and on a clear day, views of Mount Kenya.

Borana is also a success story of conservation and tourism. Revenue generated from tourism directly supports wildlife protection, habitat restoration and local community initiatives, creating a model that has become one of Africa’s great conservation success stories.  It ties nicely into the work of Tusk, whom we proudly support.  Go give’em some money, you heathen.

Whilst in most parts of Africa, seeing a rhino is a treat, in Borana it becomes a bore. There are just so many of them.  It’s like seeing someone in a kilt. The first one is interesting. But once you get to the hundredth person, all of whom are standing around in a windy storm, all looking like they built their physique by idolising the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, the novelty quickly fades.

In my ten years of selling Borana, it’s gone from a place you visit after the Mara as it’s not so exciting for wildlife, to a place that is a destination in itself. You can, and should, come to Borana without feeling the need to visit another part of Kenya.  It’s more adventurous, with activities like horse riding, mountain biking, guided walks, fishing, sleep outs, late, late night drive games.  Fences have also come down, as the area and traversing rights expand, with access to Lewa.  It’s due to expand once again in the near future.  Wild dogs even showed up last year, but were rude enough not to hang around for my stay.  But you have healthy numbers of everything here: elephant, lion, leopard, cheetah, giraffe, the highly endangered Grevy’s zebra and even hippo have moved in.

But most importantly: buffalo.  Lots of buffalo. And the lions seem extremely pleased about that arrangement.

Oh bore off!

The Lodge

Sirai House sits within its own 250-acre corner, up on a hill that I stupidly and inexplicably voluntarily agreed to cycle up.  I can attest: it’s rather high.  That elevation gives it some of the best views in the conservancy. From behind the lodge, the view at night is a glow of lights from the nearby town that you’re protected from in other lodges in Borana, but in the day having those two views is epic. At times, the wind moving through the trees creates a low, constant rush that sounds remarkably like the ocean.  It’s like the gods are humming and giving their blessing.

As you drive in past the horses, stables and ménage (yeah, I had to Google it), it’s immediately obvious this is Kenya’s version of a private country estate.  The architecture isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel, but everything is clearly built to an exceptionally high standard. Inside, you’ll find local artwork, famous artwork, and life’s greatest work: nature.  By which I mean Bobby, the resident dog.  What a hero.

Everything is of exceptional quality, and there’s enough space to lose your children, your husband, or your mind.  Despite the scale of the place, and even though I was the only guest, it still never felt absurd.  Maybe that’s because my standards are so ridiculously high these days that this is normal.  Or maybe, like I’ve written about before, you don’t need to use the other five bedrooms and staying in an exclusive use property as a small group (or as a loner) isn’t so bad.

Facilities

A lot of the photos of Sirai House make it look like some Haunting of Hill House property where Lord Dracula spends the winter months. Yes, it can be slightly dark and antique-y in places, but certainly not to any detriment. There’s actually plenty of light coming in.  I’d say it has the feel of a Lord’s house, which maths says is right, because a Lord does own it.

I like the style.  I wouldn’t have it at my own home, and it’s got an older vibe than any of the newer properties like Arijiju, Lengishu and Wild Hill, but it certainly didn’t feel like some Poundland attempt at colonial design.  It’s elegant. Everything is clearly built to an incredibly high standard, but don’t come expecting minimalist architecture and endless beige. Think wearing tweed.  And not for a single second does anything feel anything other than premium.

The house is enormous. There’s a library, drawing room, club room and cinema, plus an absurdly large dining room complete with an open wine cellar. Everywhere you look, there are books, antiques, and fresh roses. Endless roses. Just everywhere.  You have a pot of chocolate in the morning; here come the roses with it.  Not one or two either, a whole bunch.  Could save me some money coming here for Valentine’s and pretending they were all my idea.

Outside, things only escalate. The pool area is absolutely massive, with a huge swimming pool, bar, dining area, firepit surrounded by sofas, table tennis. Just add a hot tub, please and thank you.  And there’s boules (which can be converted into a sandpit for children), croquet and a multi-purpose court for pickleball and basketball.

Sirai loves horses. If anything sums up Sirai House, it’s this: I have a David Yarrow coffee table book at home; Sirai has an original David Yarrow photograph of one of its own horses hanging on the wall.  Ok, maybe they win this round.  The equestrian programme is one of the strongest in Kenya, with purpose-built stables and experienced guides catering for riders who know the difference between cantering and whatever the hell it is I do when sitting on a horse.  Crying?  Yeah, that.

There’s also a helipad, to avoid the ground-dwelling peasants.

Spa & Gym

The gym sits beside the pool and, like most properties, feels like the last room to get updated. The equipment is dated, but unless you’re planning to set a personal best between game drives, you’ll survive.

The spa, however, is a different story. I dunno why, as I’ve seen a lot in my time, but when I went to see the spa, I really was taken aback by it.  It’s really lovely. I’ve seen better spas, even in other exclusive use properties, but it really packs a lot in a small space, and really feels a perfect destination to just go relax or hang out.  There’s a plunge pool, sauna and relaxation area.  The treatment room is just a single room, but made up for with the quality masseur, who was easily amongst the best I’ve had.  Had she added a short foot ritual at the beginning and an eye mask while lying on my back, it would have been close to flawless.  Guess I’ll have to go back.

They had also just built a dedicated yoga and Pilates studio.

Room

Sirai House has six suites spread across four separate cottages, accommodating up to 12 guests. Families are particularly well catered for, with rooms three and four interconnecting, as do rooms five and six.  I stayed in the Master Suite, which occupies its own standalone cottage.  Twas bloody marvellous, thank you for asking.

The bedroom and living area are open plan, with a fireplace in the corner that is lit each evening. Combined with the hot water bottle that appears at turndown, there is absolutely no need for air conditioning at this altitude. I know you want it, I know you’re going to say you cannot live without it, but I promise you, you will be fine.

The bed was exceptionally comfortable, the blackout curtains worked perfectly and waking up to those views each morning was a highlight.

The bathroom is the standout feature. A large freestanding bath sits proudly in the centre, while the open shower at one end looks directly out across the view. Outside, there’s a private terrace and plunge pool, although the lack of heating means it’s basically decoration.

My only real complaint was the lighting. The curse of the endless light switches.  There are switches everywhere, but no master control by the bed, meaning each evening involved wandering around turning off lamps like I was closing up a department store.

Service

I’ve heard complaints before about the service being a bit stuffy, as the owner likes it one way, and guests want it another.  If I were to come up with any complaints, you could say the service is still a bit stuffy, with people opening doors for you like you’re an invalid or very precious about your hands. Perhaps they’ve been talking to my wife and know how useless I am.  Seems more polished, I guess you could say, this more butler style version of service.  The team is attentive and incredibly efficient, but they aren’t the most naturally charismatic group I’ve encountered in Kenya.

Jay more than makes up for that.  He’s the manager, the host, the life and soul of the property and, in many ways, the person who defines the entire experience. We spent hours together during my stay, the man is a legend.  As long as Jay is here, Sirai will always feel special.  I think we’re going to have to Shining him and make sure he can’t leave.

The team also nailed the details. Sirai House is ultimately a property where you may not even notice most of the service, but have absolute faith in everything being done for you, often without asking for it.  My pre-arrival preferences had clearly been read. There were sweets everywhere, pillows exactly as requested, more sweets in the room and a selection of welcome hats to choose from.  Sadly, despite multiple sizing options, my ears once again proved to be my greatest enemy.

Food

Food was great, even if they did go with my usual hatred approach of just serving what they fancied, rather than asking me about it in advance.  Jay and I were having too much fun to pay much attention to it though.  Lunch is served in the most interesting way of them bringing the family style food over, plate by plate, for me to then take what I wanted.  And they kept coming back to offer more and more.  Breakfast one morning was out in the bush – glorious setup, cooked breakfast, lots of fruits, pastries, the lot.  Everything is at the same high quality and bespokeness of any other private exclusive use home I’ve been to.  And I’ve been to lots.  You will not go hungry, and if you’re like me, you will be begging Bobby to come join you to get rid of all the waste.

Activities

I love Borana, it’s such an antithesis to the Mara.  The Mara is almost entirely focused on game drives, and what game drives they can be.  But Borana is something entirely else. Yes, you can head out on traditional game drives, both during the day and at night, but if all you do is sit in a vehicle, you’re missing the point.

During my stay, I spent time tracking rhino, watched a pride of more than fifteen lions with cubs feeding on a buffalo, and trying to avoid being murdered by a live buffalo, as I went e-biking past them.

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have bothered, feeling like I was missing something by either not being in the lodge or on a game drive. Now, I love these sorts of activities. Admittedly, I muttered “fuck me” and “fuck you” and all other kinds of variations, multiple times as I cycled uphill at 2,000 metres, but passing rhino, elephant, buffalo and zebra on two wheels is not something you forget in a hurry.

There are also guided walks, horse riding, trail runs, conservation experiences with the anti-poaching team, helicopter trips over Mount Kenya, excursions to neighbouring Lewa Conservancy.

Back at the house, you can play pickleball, basketball, boules, croquet or table tennis, book a spa treatment, join a yoga or Pilates session, watch a film in the cinema room or work your way through the wine cellar.

Or you can simply sit on the terrace and think this is a pretty damn good life.  Long may it continue.

Kids Friendly

Sirai House is fenced, which is very nice for kids, as you don’t ever need to worry about a leopard showing up to test their reflexes.  Four of the rooms are joined, making it perfect for families.  

The Good

• Food

The Bad

• Bobby didn’t come home with me

The Luxurious

• Setting
• Facilities
• Accommodation
• Jay
• Activities

Conclusion

Coming to Sirai House was a major before-and-after moment.  After spending time with communities at Reteti House who have so little yet seem so happy, I found myself wondering whether all of this really matters. Then I arrived at Sirai and realised: those people suck. Luxury is life.

After Reteti House, things become relative.  Like my complains are about the water temperature for the shower taking a minute to warm up.  And the handles annoying me, because one is hot, one is cold, and you spend ages trying to get it right (although a lot less than other places, as it’s more clearly labelled).  At Reteti, I didn’t take a shower, as they were all outside, surrounded by bugs.

No wonder I was so happy.

Sirai delivers something increasingly rare: absolute joy. Unapologetic, over-the-top, joy. The sheer joy of the property, and the joy from Borana.  Joy from every detailed considered.  But Jay, who has been here almost 10 years, is a large part of that.

Some reviews I’ll focus on design, others about the spa or the wildlife or beach. Sirai House is the whole experience.  It’s why I love exclusive use properties so much.  When you match a world class hard product, with phenomenal hospitality, incredible activities, a brilliant location, that it feels like I’ve reached the peak of what the point of luxury hospitality is.  It’s part about cycling past rhinos, talking nonsense with Jay, watching horses in the paddocks and receiving an entirely unnecessary number of roses.  But fundamentally, it’s like feeling being at home, but a much different and better version of it.

For small families, it’s hard to beat Arijiju with the fact that it’s like a house and so close together.  For larger groups or multi-gen, this would work very well as it’s so spread out.  I can keep going back and forth between here and Arijiju on the pros and cons.  Ultimately, I still prefer Arijiju, but this is not a downgrade by any stretch.  The distances between areas is a pain, but it’s not like you jump from the spa to the gym to the cinema room every five minutes.  The pattern is copied over at Lengishu, whilst Arijiju is more homely.  It’s a truly wonderful property, in a truly brilliant area –  one of Kenya’s most extraordinary landscapes.

This is one of those places where words eventually stop being useful. You just need to come and see it for yourself.