Review: Tuludi, Botswana

Tuludi might be one of Natural Selection’s Premier Camps in Botswana, but it answers to no one.  It don’t have no corporate overload.  Natural Selection do the marketing, but they don’t run the lodge, nor have any ownership of it.  They’re just a name on it, like a sponsor.  Think Lance Armstrong proudly promoting his new “homemade cocktail” at the local charity bike ride.

It’s basically the same setup as Jao with Wilderness – and that’s one of the best lodges in Botswana.

In fact, Natural Selection’s involvement on the ground is minimal.  Most of the vehicles don’t even have their name on them.  They say Khwai. That’s because the owner has several camps across this concession, and Tuludi is part of that little empire.

So it feels weird to talk about Natural Selection anywhere in this review, but that’s the crazy world we live in these days.  Nothing makes sense anymore.  Except, hopefully, this review.

This leopard just read that intro and is now reconsidering its will to live.

Setting

Located in the Khwai Private Reserve, offering over 200,000 hectares of pure Okovango Delta bliss.  Getting here was not an issue, as like so much of Botswana, a helicopter is your friend.  In my case, a 35 min helicopter ride from North Island Okovango.  And this is the joy of Botswana, the absolute ease of moving to another lodge and having a vastly different experience.  Of course, if you’re allergic to the death machines of helicopters, you can fly on a light aircraft instead.  Walking is less advised.

Tuludi was a hunting area until 2008.  Normally, that is worse than you might imagine, as it can take many decades for the wildlife to return and your safari becomes more of an opportunity to catch-up on reading your spam folder for entertainment.  But here it seemed to have been just long enough to turn things around.  Proper sightings.  Actual animals.  A feast for the eyes.  Annoyingly, some of the feast was also on my own legs.  There were loads of flies around.  And I mean shit loads.  Those little fuckers kept biting through my socks and made my ankles all swell up.  For a few days, I was 95% cankles.

But other than that, the landscape is exactly the romantic fantasy people imagine when they book Botswana.  Vast amounts of water channels, driving across floorplains with water brushing your toes in the vehicle, and an absolute abundance of wildlife.  It’s an incredibly photogenic area.

It was also the first time in my life a safari vehicle I was in got properly stuck — as in two vehicles needed to tow us out of the mud.  A genuine rite of passage.  For a solid ten minutes, it was every man for himself, and we were one granola bar away from re-enacting Lord of the Flies.  I have now truly “done” safari.

Environmentalists keep getting younger and younger.

Facilities

Unlike most camps in Botswana, Tuludi offers internet everywhere.  Absolutely everywhere.  The main lodge, your room, the swimming pool, the inside of a lion’s mouth, you name it, you can find it.  God bless them.  I really dislike this idea of cutting us all off from the internet, unless we’re in our rooms.  It treats us like children.  Which, mentally I will not dispute is an accurate description of me, but I don’t want to be managed like one.

Tuludi definitely has a more rustic feel to the place.  It’s not dated, it’s not poorly implemented, but it feels a step down the luxury ladder.  It’s more generic than stand out.  However, it does have library room with a slide, built like a treehouse.  You slide down to the stargazing deck, which has this artwork of birds.  A slide is always such an absurd thing in a lodge, whether it’s Soneva Jani or here.  And I salute the absurd.  More, please.

The main lodge splits cleanly in two.  Left side: the dining area, shaded and breezy, with red striped rugs and beaded chandeliers giving it a low-key vibe.  There’s outdoor dining too, when the wind isn’t doing its best impression of the apocalypse.  Right side: the bar and lounging spaces.

There’s also a boutique, a firepit, and a gym and pool which acts as another major focal point.  The gym, well, it exists, which is more than can be said for most Delta camps — TechnoGym bike and treadmill included.  But with all the food you’re given on safari, no one can bring themselves to exercise anyway.

There’s no spa, so massages are done in-room.

Room

There are six rooms plus one family room, and they are seriously spread out.  I was in Room 1, which is still a decent walk from the main area.  Privacy is not something you will have any issue with – it’s enforced.

The rooms themselves aren’t enormous and they’re not ultra-luxury showpieces.  They’re functional, rather than the nectar of the aesthetic gods.  The only solid walls are around the toilet; everything else is essentially screened netting — even the doors have mesh panels to keep light flowing through.  This means two things: the room is fantastically bright, and the wind is going to be your closest friend, whether you like it or not.  If you enjoy the sound of canvas being trambled by god, you’ll be delighted.

The layout is open-plan.  A small lounge area gives way to the bedroom.  There is air conditioning — praise be — and sockets on both sides of the bed.  The air conditioning, however, is fighting a losing battle: when your “walls” are essentially breathable mesh, physics has entered the chat and it’s not on your side.

There’s even a switch on the walkway to turn your room lights on before you arrive, which is one of those simple, genuinely thoughtful ideas that every camp should immediately copy.  Light switches by the bed, that actually do what you need to – turn off the bed, the bathroom and the living room.  Genius.  I cannot stress how great it is to be able to turn everything off from the bed without having to solve a puzzle at 10pm, that seemed to be devised by a sadist.

Between the bedroom and bathroom is a generous luggage area, complete with a tub of snacks that somehow always empties faster than you think you’re eating.

The bathroom has a double vanity, indoor shower, outdoor shower, and outdoor bath.  The shower temperature situation, however, is purgatory.  The water controls make you feel like you’re being punished for sins you don’t remember committing.  You spend five minutes getting it right, only for it to immediately betray you.  They’ve even labelled hot and cold the wrong way around, just to keep the game spicy.  There’s a bucket provided to catch the water while it warms up — theoretically sustainability-minded — but I spoke to another guest who said their “saved” water came out brown.  Who wants to save panda bears anyway?

Outside, there’s a spacious deck with a plunge pool (unheated and perpetually decorated with leaves thanks to the wind), a hanging basket chair, and loungers.

Service

The welcome here was excellent — the GM, Sam, met me personally, talked through my preferences, walked me around without giving me a TED Talk on how doors work, and generally created a warm, lodge environment.  Even the welcome sorbet was thoughtful and memorable – and who doesn’t want a sorbet?  Loads of places offer some obscure drink; I now demand an ice cream or sorbet menu.  Everyone else gets a zero-star review.

They’d clearly read the stay list.  Toothpaste sorted.  Tempur pillows in place.  They even asked how I wanted the blinds managed each day.  Sam, also mentioned upfront that they can’t regulate the temperature of the plunge pools, so at least expectations were set.

OB, one of the main waiting staff, has that uncanny ability to make you feel like you’ve known him for years.  And there was good service on offer, such as by the end of the first dinner, they were already asking if I wanted my “usual” drink.

Not everyone has the charisma of a stand-up comic, but a few real characters really make the place, and everyone else is quietly on top of things.

I met a family at North Island Okavango who kept going on about Tuludi, having just come from it. They kept calling it “rustic”, which always had this hint of interiority…and they were right.  But they loved it more, and I fully understand why: the staff.  Tuludi has a much better feel to the place.

It’s simply a nicer, more courteous, more professional atmosphere. Warmer. It doesn’t feel forced. No one is trying to be your best friend. It’s just kind.  And there’s an atmosphere that exceeds the line at a funeral to see the coffin.  So…better than North Island Okonvago.

The only time they let me down was when I didn’t get notified that I had to vacate my room on the last day, so I had to go back to camp to pack and then go out again.  I just needed the communication to save the faff. I can forgive them for that.

They did, however, serve me mushrooms on the first night.  Twats.

Food

Lunch is family-style with no choice, with a widely varying quality.  Unfortunately, none of that variety is “exceptional”.  Pork belly one day, salads of varying quality (including a heavily-dressed avocado situation and a melon–butternut combination that was fine), and a scoop of ice cream.  The latter was for desert, they didn’t mix ice cream into pork belly and avocado, they’re not savages.

Dinner offers two starters, two mains, and the usual three desserts where two are really just “cheese or fruit pretending to be options.” The chef appears to have a deep emotional bond with those bright fake red cherries that sit on every dessert — a choice we must simply accept.  Although I’d still like to call an intervention for it.

Breakfast is surprisingly substantial before the morning drive — buffet cereals, fruit, pastries, plus eggs and bacon cooked to order.  A proper breakfast instead of the usual 5:30am “do you want a rusk and some lukewarm coffee?”.

The inconsistency comes in at lunch again: my food preferences were ignored the next day (raw onions and olives both returned from exile), and while the fish was excellent, the rest was over-sauced to the point of drowning.

The pastries were the highlight.  Whoever is baking them is the unsung hero of the kitchen.Otherwise, the food was not much to write about.

Activities

Game drives are the main event here, with boats, mokoros, walking, fishing, night drives (until 10pm), and a ranger conservation experience rounding out the menu.  So far, so Botswana.

The vehicle bothered me.  The armrests are metal and angled in such a way that if you actually use them, you end up sitting like you’re trying to expand your wingspan to impress a mate during mating season.  So I kept my elbows tucked in while holding the camera, which meant repeatedly slamming them into the metal sides.

The wildlife, though, is exceptional.  We had a leopard in a tree with a kill.  Two massive lion prides, both with cubs.  At one point, we saw ten lions, moved on, and found a leopard not even 100 metres away.  The density is wild.  The variety is wild.  The near absence of other vehicles is deeply satisfying.

And the aquatic life is everywhere – lechwe bounding, hippos side-eyeing you, waterbuck galore.

Unless at a prime sighting, never saw another vehicle, and even then it was capped at three per sighting.  And there was never a queue to see anything.

But the single most memorable sighting was also one which I believe people in non-English soceities call “emotional”.  A lion cub so weak it could barely stand, begging its mother for milk she clearly didn’t have.  Another cub injured and unable to move.  The mother having to abandon the weaker one in the hope of trying to keep the stronger one alive.  I came hoping to see a hunt; a predator in its full glory taking down its prey to survive another day.  Instead I saw the predator at the end of its short life.

Kids Friendly

There’s a single-family room.  Children from 6 years are welcome.

The Good

• Facilities

The Bad

• Food

The Luxurious

• Activities
• Setting

Conclusion

Tuludi proves without any doubt whatsoever that first impressions matter.  The welcome was spot-on, and Sam has created that rare, warm, family-ish atmosphere from the start.  But beyond that?  Tuludi never wows.  It’s one of those places that’s very easy to like without ever falling in love with.  So maybe first impressions don’t matter.  Scrap all that.

The service is lovely; the activity offering is strong, and the sightings can be exceptional, especially considering they were shooting rather than viewing wildlife not that long ago.  But the rooms are simply comfortable rather than memorable.  The design is adequate.  The food needs to improve.  The facilities, like the gym, pool and library with slide tick most of the boxes, but it never rises into that upper tier.  Nothing is bad, but very little is special.

In other words, there is no strong unique selling point.  Sure, if you end up here, you’re not going to leave annoyed, but it’s not the best of Botswana either.